hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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