Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
