My brain says no but my pants say off.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
