If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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