I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
