Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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