i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
