Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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