I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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