Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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