My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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