a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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