I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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