remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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