I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
