i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize