my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
