Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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