Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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