If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Dear god my vagina.
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