I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Im part way to drunk.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
