Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I could fuck to npr.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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