You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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