i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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