i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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