My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
