and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She bit a glass in half.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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