last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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