just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
