so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
