I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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