i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
