this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Actions speak louder than pants.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
