Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
tell me about the eggs
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
