Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
