We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
