If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm always down for nudity.
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