So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
