bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
