I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
