I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
