Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
