sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
