You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
