Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
