JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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