How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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