the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
