he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
