we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
