a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
