did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
