we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
