I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
