She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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