I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
