just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Still dying that you shit outside
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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