I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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