So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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