There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
