We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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