Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
