maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
