First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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