she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
