We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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