so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize