The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
