You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
