I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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